This is my 4th post this morning. Written when I was still enraged, the previous 3 posts have been erased. Let's give this another try.
First...
Joanne: We are NOT attacking you. I am not attacking you. Please don't feel that way. In fact i feel bad that every time a birthday comes up, you are stuck with organizing a gift for them. why should you, when you haf ur own life to conduct and better things to do? Why should u, when we are all eager-pre-med-wanna-be's who should have leadership qualities but are too lazy to exercise them? If anyone was to be blamed for starting this bad habit, it must be me. Because afterall, i was the one to organize an expensive tennis racquet idea for Gordon's bday last year that cost me nearly $200, half of which i paid for myself because i did not get reimbursed. (no i can't chase them back now cuz i lost my list. that may explain why i used to keep telling everybody, "remember to get money back from people".) Enough said.
Karen et al. brought up good points that birthday gifts and celebrations are first, not mandatory, and second, can be individualized. and i agree with ben that birthdays are not that special, it may just serve as an excuse when we get together and enjoy each other's company.
but all of that may be (maybe i am still cynnical) just idealism to this existing group now. I'd just like to point out that if we have already started this tradition of expensive gift giving and then abruptly end it say, at jason's birthday, I'd personally feel bad for him. He's chipped in for our events faithfully but we aren't able to do the same for him. (tho jason is probably not the greatest example, because he will understand. But someone else might not.)
and
Jason, social gatherings and birthday celebrations are by no means
NOT mandatory. Especially in the summer. By not coming, u are not only missing out on the rare gatherings the group may have, since so many of us have work or other commitments (and u ask "what about ultimate?" well, many of us are not on the ultimate team) but also, you will
NOT be missed. This group is just getting too large. li kai. ben. vivienne. chris (sorry to ya'll. i needed to demonstrate my point). Did we ever notice they were missing?
You gave an excellent report on the costs of socializing. Evita. VSO. Bard on the Beach. Bubble Tea. You used these as example of socializing events that are optional. But I beg to differ; I disagree with your comment that "if you can't go, you can't go." Back to my last paragraph: u don't know how left out we feel when we cannot go. i don't think i'm the first one to articulate this thought: "i need new friends, because i am drifting away".
You also made a point that it is our freedom to choose whether to chip in or not. True, if you decide beforehand and let the organizer know, so they can plan accordingly. But imagine if one person had backed out of chipping in for vivienne's gift, the price we would have had to pay would have gone up by $2. By exercising what you think are your rights, you are screwing everybody else. And you may not know how much of a pain it is until you are in joanne's shoes.
As a side point...personally I prefer the idea of getting one larger gift for birtday people instead of individually giving out gifts. Thank you Jason, for your jacket example. And also imagine Leo getting 20 bags of wine gummies. Maybe I am underestimating his love for candies, but I personally think the Canucks Jersey was a much better idea.
Maybe it's true you won't know what you've gotten the person until they open their gifts (as Ben pointed out), but if you were close enough to the person to feel YOU know what best to get them, by all means, be part of the organizing team.
Peter and I would just like to lower the cost. Make the gifts more personal. That's all.